by Daniel R. Seagren

Preface pp i-v

Defines the nature of the manuscript with an explanation of the subtitle: Clergy Parish Relationships (CPR).

Chapter 1 Leveling the Playing Field 1-13

Likens the church to an athletic field or battleground with hidden land mines that pose threats to the church such as ageism, status quo, gender, automation, statistics, trendiness and competition.

Chapter 2 Please Try to Understand Me 14-33

A lack of understanding contributes to numerous difficulties within a congregation which is countered by probing into temperaments, personality, character, gender and spiritual gifts.

Chapter 3 Who's in Charge? 34-50

Often there is not only a clash between leadership personalities, lay and clergy, but also in lines of organization and hierarchies.

Chapter 4 Who Does What? 51-67

When congregations sort out the various tasks and responsibilities, many potential problems fall by the wayside.

Chapter 5 What Kind of a Church Are We? 68-84

Failure to understand the various kinds of churches that exist, and not knowing the specific nature of the church being served, creates many uncertainties which provides the challenge for this chapter.

Chapter 6 Styles of Leadership 85-104

There are many styles of leadership and clashes between them which must be understood and harmonized if compatibility is to exist.

Chapter 7 More than a Volunteer 105-123

Congregations rise and fall on volunteers which means that all workers in a congregation must be well-trained, utilized effectively and recognized publicly and privately.

Chapter 8 Hot Buttons 124-144

Many things, trivial and significant, both inside the church and society, can smolder or explode, unexpectedly or routinely, and if not defused can cause considerable anguish within a congregation.

Chapter 9 Vulnerability 145-161

There are many areas of vulnerability within parishes both with staff and the membership including the feelings of indestructibility as well as infidelity, tenure, performance, forced exits and lifestyles that must be recognized and dealt with adequately.

Chapter 10 Chronic Complaints 162-181

Doing what the church ought to be doing can cause difficulties which lead to chronic complaints both inside the church as well as without including preaching the gospel, ministering to the down-trodden and upholding ethical and moral standards.

Chapter 11 Diagnosis and Prognosis 182-199

Diagnosing and subsequently dealing with problems, tensions, conflicts and uncertainties is highlighted in this chapter by adapting a medical profession analogy to the church.

Chapter 12 The Judeo-Christian Paradigm 200-218

The Old and New Testaments reveal along with historical creeds the paradigm (model) for the contemporary church to follow rather than a "to each his own" standard.

Appendices I and II i-vii

Bibliography viii-x

Many are concerned about difficulties churches and pastors often encounter. At times the causes are obvious. There may be a mismatch, a power struggle, misunderstanding, incompetence; there could be unreal expectations, unfair comparisons, overwork or indolence, malice or animosity, jealousy, resentment or avarice. Often this leads to acrimony, animosity and ultimately, dissonance.

A subtitle could have been expressed as CPR: CLERGY PARISH RELATIONSHIPS, a modest play on words implying that some dissonant clergy-parish relationships actually may need CPR (cardiopulmonary resuscitation). Others may only require some TLC (tender loving care).

When something tragic strikes such as a stroke, heart attack, a near drowning or a severe electrical jolt, we usually have a recourse. It could be a family member, paramedic, lifeguard, neighbor or a friend. CPR could be administered by an amateur or a professional. For aches and pains we can turn to the gentle hands of a masseuse, the versatile resources ofa pharmacist or to the mysterious world of alternative medicine. Generally, we are indebted to the medical profession for emergencies, preventative strategies, health maintenance, surgical procedures and myriads of tests and prescriptions.

However, when it comes to ailments in the church, it is another matter. If a congregation is near death, CPR might be beneficial, if not too late. If a congregation or a minister is spiritually ill, suffers from a debilitating disease, is out of shape or malnourished, where do we turn? Are there ecclesiastical physicians, pharmacists, physical therapists and paramedics readily available?

Most of us do not have to travel very far before we are confronted with all kinds of disquietude: If only our minister would watch the clock more closely. How can I get these parishioners off dead center? At this rate we'll never meet the budget. How did you get finally get rid of your minister? What on earth happened to the choir this morning? I think I'll visit another church today. If I could quit honorably, I'd quit tomorrow.

There are silent and audible laments going on in Christendom and often we don't know what to do about it. The relationship between clergy and parish is often strained, sometimes fractured. Yet this is a subject we can examine together. Hopefully, we can establish or reestablish the maintenance of good health and preventative medicine within the church. With some TLC we should be able to avert the more severe heroic measures including CPR. Read the following pages carefully, both the written and between the lines, reassess your own situation, put yourself in your minister's boots. And pastor, visualize yourself occupying one of the pews.

Relationship: the logical or natural association between two or more things. This ordinary definition is imprecise because it tends to obscure many complexities involved. There are good, bad and indifferent relationships. Some are transitory; others endure. Some flourish while others languish. Relationships can be logical associations; they can also defy logic, whether intentionally or otherwise, wreaking all kinds of dissonance.

Relationships can also be natural. Parent/child relationships are natural but they can be illogical or unreasonable, mysterious and baffling. Husband/wife relationships should be logical but are not always so. Cholerics marry melancholics and do quite well (or very poorly). Introverts and extroverts are often attracted to each other with mixed results. Neighbors lend themselves to natural or logical relationships, and how well we know, that association can also be quite unnatural and illogical.

One correlation which can be both natural and logical as well as unnatural and illogical is the relationship between pastor and parishioner. Clerics and congregations should be well suited for each other but often logic defies imagination. What once seemed a perfect match suddenly (orgradually) deteriorates. Honeymoons rarely last forever whether it is a marriage, a corporate merger or an ecclesiastical alliance.

Well-meaning and highly motivated pulpit committees, bishops and superintendents, have unintentionally mismatched clergy with congregations. This in spite of carefully orchestrated interviews, on site inspections, psychological testings and majority votes. We soon realize that no two congregations are alike; nor are pastors identical. Or equal. Parishes vary and even communities can appear similar but actually are quite disparate. What is effective in one situation may be unworkable elsewhere.

In Appendix I you will find a portrait of terms that will be used as a common denominator for this study. For instance, the chair-person of one congregation may be called moderator in another; a deacon in one church may be a trustee elsewhere. A council could be known as a session and a treasurer may double as financial secretary. It can be cumbersome. And confusing.

This book is aimed at a diverse group of individuals ranging from highly sophisticated, erudite church leaders (lay and clergy alike) to those whose devotion may exceed their vocation. Therefore, the author has chosen to avoid both pedantic as well as dogmatic approaches while favoring the practical and pragmatic. It should also be stated that no single study could (or should) attempt to include every imaginable situation confronting clergy and parishioners. Only a few select categories will be included, for both conciseness and practicality. In most instances, a pat answer should not be expected; rather, prudence will be given to shedding light on potential problems without blinding them.

Most of us know a colleague, relative, friend or an acquaintance who has been involved in a church predicament: where the minister has been asked to resign; where members are disappointed, disillusioned, discouraged or even dismayed. At times a minister may have had a previously effective ministry but presently feels stymied. Often there seems to be little or no hope, and sadly, seemingly not much help available. That is why these chapters are written.

The author has spent some forty-five years in a varied ministry as pastor, educator, author, fund raiser, director of youth and music, chaplain and at times as a layman. He has served in the military and ministered abroad in Europe and Latin America. Having stood on both sides of the pulpit, he genuinely appreciates the role of laity as well as clergy.

If this study is helpful to either clergy or parishioner, or both, the author would be most honored. Mortals might be able to give some TLC and possibly render CPR, but ultimately it is the good Lord who kindles a new spirit within us and keeps the church alive and well -- in harmony with itself and its mission

PARISHIONER: When I became a member of this congregation, I was excited, enthused, even euphoric. As long as I was a member, I was pleased with my decision to join. Later I became an officer. What an eye opener that was. It was then I began to see that not all was well. In short, it was a disillusioning experience as I witnessed the petty politics, conniving, bickering and negativism on the inside which was hardly visible outside. Now I am trying to see all sides and act as a neutral observer which is perplexing.

PASTOR: This congregation is so different from the last one. I thought both were pretty much alike except for size and location but I couldn't have been more mistaken. I don't think I do things differently but everything I suggest or do is either ignored or criticized. I hate admitting failure almost as much as I despise blaming myself or my congregation. I was tempted to approach my predecessor to find out why he left but I didn't yield to the urge. Now I must either seek a way out or  work smarter.

Let's use an analogy of a playing field (might be likened to an athletic field, a battleground, or in our case, a parish compound). Lurking beneath this field are hidden land mines, sown either by an adversary or friendly defenders attempting to thwart an approaching foe (real or imagined). We will examine several of these land mines, which, if not safely detonated, removed or sidestepped can cause the church considerable damage ranging from a pesky aggravation to mortal injury.

Playing fields are never level (or at least they don't stay that way for long). We have all read about agonizing problems posed by warring nations that leave behind land mines which later plague the citizenry, friend and foe. For pennies and little effort, a booby trap can be sown but the harvesting cost is tremendous. The same is true in the congregation. Let's examine some of these common land mines (booby traps) that are so invisible (and often minuscule) but can do considerable damage when activated.

The typical approach could be threefold: (1) they could be ignored and hope no one encounters them; (2) they can be left in place and maneuvered around; or (3) they can be detonated before anyone gets hurt. We all hope and pray wistfully that problems will not occur. Yet, when they do, the only real solution is to go after these mines and get rid of them, one by one. Unfortunately, that isn't easy; it can be time consuming, risky, and sometimes lethal. In looking at some of these booby traps hidden in the minefields of so many parishes, it is quite unlikely that any one congregation will encounter all of them at one time. Still, these troublesome land mines are common to almost every pastor and parish and are alluded to below in a random order.

STATUS QUO How often we've heard, "But we've always done it this way." Some clergy wisely resolve to live with the status quo for six to twelve months when assuming a new parish. Sometimes it takes even longer to implement new ideas or modify existing procedures. While most congregations and ministers should realize this trap, many difficulties arise because they have underestimated the rigidity of the status quo.

Within each congregation there are written and unwritten traditions, procedures, patterns and behaviors. Some of them are deeply embedded; others are passing fads. Often it takes not only time but rather ingenious sleuthing to uncover motives underlying the status quo. It may take an equally adept approach to make necessary or even desired changes. Traditions may be fine but an excessive or subtle traditionalism could be a trap.

AGEISM Defined as discrimination based on age, this entanglement may not seem important enough to be mentioned. The church has for years been very youth conscious and youth directors have played a prominent role in many congregations. Now that society is aging, more attention perhaps should be given to older adults and parents although not at the expense of youth. Still, there is a reluctance among senior adults to be singled out as needing special attention. Others say they want to step aside and let the young folk have their chance; some simply say they have already done their thing.

The approach used need not be a furthering of an unintentional ageism in segregating congregations by age but through seeking inter- generational integration. Why not blend young people with grandparents in the nursery; encourage both men and women to work together in the church kitchen; persuade (or even insist) on having seasoned veterans and aspiring youth sit side by side on church boards. Congregations need both the wisdom of age and the enthusiasm of youth where your old men shall dream dreams, your young men shall see visions. Why not harness them together in new and creative ways? The same could be done in the field of music, blending old hymns with contemporary songs, traditional worship with a touch of modernity; team teaching could supplement the solo teacher; and why not utilize men in the nursery while women usher. The potential for an explosion is ever present but need not be triggered mindlessly.

GENDER As we all know, the pastor may be a he or a she, the chairperson a woman or a man. During a church banquet, a woman member was heard to exclaim, "What's he doing in our kitchen?" Actually, he was a member but also a fine chef who had volunteered to prepare the feast. She simply assumed that the kitchen was the domain of the women of the church. Some congregations (or certain members) find it difficult to accept a woman minister, particularly in the pulpit, when administering the sacraments, or as senior pastor. Others are reluctant or refuse to attend a class or small group if a woman is in charge. Women, they say, should not bear rule over men. Seeing a man in the kitchen and tending the nursery should seem no less appropriate than to observe a woman taking the offering or givinga financial report. Gender can act as a land mine and should be carefully and deliberately defused.

PARTISANSHIP  Partisan is defined as a strong supporter of a party, cause, faction, person or idea. Congregations are usually multi-partisan, a grand mixture of theological, political, social and ideological factions, ideas, causes and parties. Consequently, logic, if not wisdom, suggests that congregations as well as clergy would not want to rock the boat unnecessarily. One way to avoid doing this is to attempt to remain neutral; however, if neutrality isn't possible, or workable, every effort should be made to be sensitive to differing persuasions. As we know, many of the clergy do take public, partisan, political positions, even from the pulpit; some are known more for their partisanship than other traits. This could be another explosive lurking in a minefield which, when triggered, could and does wreak havoc.

Tiptoeing through this minefield can be a hazardous occupation for both laity and clergy. The converse, of course, is equally difficult and has its own negative potential. Being wishy-washy, evasively neutral and naively oblivious can also be hazardous. Blessed is the cleric and congregation that nobly discern the fine line between partisanship and impartiality.

AUTOMATION The time hasn't arrived (yet) when we can put a debit card into a slot in the pew but automation is coming. This is more than replacing the typewriter with a computer or a ledger with software. Automation can be a very beneficial thing for the church but too often it is either resisted or overly utilized (too much expected of it). Automation is here to stay and can enrich congregational life immeasurably but it can also depersonalize some of the important functions of the church as well.

Trouble lurks in the way automation is used, who recommends it, who operates it, how efficient and confidential it will be. The pastor may spend an inordinate amount of time on a computer and a financial secretary may not take adequate measures to protect confidentiality. Although it may never totally displace a volunteer or staff member, automation has a way of both saving and draining time and energy, and it may depersonalize the process. Worse than that, it may promise more than it can deliver. It could subtly ease a church into a commercial/corporate style not totally becoming a church and it may inadvertently pit opposing stylists (competitors) against each other. This can lead to another potential albeit at times a subtle land mine.

MARKETING Traditionally the church has propagated itself in three basic ways: (1) through biological growth, (2) through converts, and (3) through transfers (Methodists to Presbyterians, urbanites to suburbanites and so on). There are other ways as well including proselytizing, campaigning, neighborhood canvassing, crusading and social action. Scientific marketing is another means.

There are some excellent marketing techniques, many of which could be suitable for the church. This might involve skillful research, psychologically astute inducements, carefully targeted audiences (no need to waste time,energy or resources) and smart advertising. Again, this too can be an ambush if marketing supplants (even inadvertently) personal evangelism (whosoever will may come) and neighborliness (a cup of cold water given in Jesus' name).

When officers of a congregation wish to implement secular but sound corporate techniques in lieu of normal methods of doing church business, conflict can and does arise. The church may not function effectively as a corporation because the church is not a corporation (in the commercial sense). Incorporated for legal matters, yes, but it is not a commercial (engaged in commerce for profit and supported by advertising) corporation (a body of persons acting under a legal charter with privileges and liabilities). This difference is often difficult to fathom, both for progressive, corporate minded ministers as well as corporate types bearing rule in the congregation. The danger can be operating as a commercial corporation while not actually being one. The church as an institution is distinctive, a unique phenomenon not fully understood or appreciated by everyone, particularly the secular mind.

STATISTICS Another tension spot in the congregation is statistical. When the budget is met, when growth charts are moving upward, when pews are full, things can look pretty good. But when the converse is true, discouragement and disenchantment can set in. If moneys are tight, attendance sporadic, someone, somehow, tends to get blamed. Often it's the minister. Why? Several reasons: (1) it is a pastor's task to keep things running smoothly (one of the reasons a minister is called or hired); (2) the pastor as a central figure is more easily targeted; (3) the pastor usually is a full time staff person, somewhat transient (able to move on) whereas most laity are probably less transient, not on the payroll, and generally serve part time in specific roles.

Although this will be addressed later, the typical congregation calls or hires a minister who is expected to bear rule over those who did the hiring in the first place. Corporations usually don't operate this way. A CEO is most likely hired, not by those who will work under him/her, but by an auxiliary board of directors. It may be that those who called the minister hold key positions in the congregation but may not be doing their job well, blaming the pastor instead. This is often most awkward and can be a very dangerous booby trap.

TRENDINESS There can be a struggle between modernity and being visionary. Congregations often pride themselves in being up to date when in effect it simply means that the church has adapted to its culture rather than being visionary. We seem to prefer being called contemporary rather than old-fashioned, especially if being contemporary means upbeat and with-it rather than outdated and jaded (as many define old-fashioned). However, if old-fashioned means principled and tested, then the comparison is inappropriate.

Apart from being trendy or outdated, either of which can trigger explosions in a congregation, the expression visionary can overshadow either. Society has gone through various stages from the Hunter-Gatherer Society which gave way to the Agricultural Society, then to the Industrial Age and on to the present Information Society. Some visionaries think a new era is just around the corner with the present Information Society destined for a short tenure compared to its predecessors. If so, what lies ahead? A turn away from a materialistic, scientific society toward one of dreams and hopes, spirituality and feelings? Perhaps. Many secular philosophers think this is not only inevitable but essential which is encouraging. Still, trendiness isn't enough. What is?

A congregation with a vision: for those who have been deprived, neglected and abused, for those who have gone astray, for those with little or no hope for a brighter and better tomorrow, for the promulgation of spiritual and eternal values. This kind of a congregation can tread a minefield and not get destroyed. Where there is no vision a congregation perishes.

COMPETITION The Christian church as a competitor to itself is not the booby trap we're thinking of right now. It seems a shame that Christendom is splintered, not only into East and West but into sects, cults and isms. Denominations, while admitting there are probably too many, are necessary because of the diverse nature of believers. There is competition, proselytism, pettiness, magnetism (personalities and doctrines), contrivance and lures, yes, but its greatest competitor may be quite imperceptible: society itself.

The church cannot compete with its culture; it will get blown away. The typical minister today must produce as many as 40-50 sermons annually, an equal number or more of studies, lessons and eulogies plus countless consultations. S/he keeps innumerable volunteers engaged, all of whom could abdicate momentarily; and gives repeated pep talks to an often underpaid, overworked staff, maintains a family life, reads countless books and journals and attends local, regional and national (occasionally international) conventions. Generally, a minister and the congregation do quite well. To compare, look at the paid credits following any television or cinematic production. The listings seem almost endless (all paid performers and technicians). Compared to the volunteers and limited staffing of the church, the church manages remarkably well.

Exactly what then is the competition? Trying to compete with society: with television (and its million dollar sound bites); with superstars luring millions into Sunday pavilions (even so, its been said that there are more people in church on a given Sunday than in sporting arenas); with academia supported by monumental endowments; with seductive merchandising and marketing. The list goes on. Church publications have come a long way but cannot compete with slick corporate reports. Church edifices sometimes are stellar but pale alongside many secular structures (except for some medieval masterpieces or contemporary cathedrals and mega-church plants). When churches get trendy, follow crowds blithely, taking their texts from newspapers and clues from social agencies, seeking to balance budgets via lotteries and rummage sales, rouble is not far away. While competing vigorously with society, some subtle (and not so subtle) dangers prowl nearby.

Many have said "let the church be the church" with both passion and vision. The church lives in a dangerous world; there are many land mines ready to explode. When the church struggles to become more and more like its culture, adopting or adapting to its ways and means, its mission becomes tenuous and its battleground more dangerous. When the church is more comfortable being defensive rather than offensive, it becomes vulnerable to all kinds of ambushes. One or two explosions could be fatal when otherwise they would merely deter but not destroy. A wise pastor, congregation and parish should contend against, not compete with, its culture.

EXAGGERATION Making mountains out of molehills is a common practice in many ecclesiastical circles. How often little things become needlessly gargantuan. Congregations can be devastated or even split over trivial matters which get blown out of proportion: the organist plays too loudly, the nursery attendant wasn't in uniform, the sermons are too long (or short), there's a draft hitting our pew, the secretary misspelled our name, our pledge was off $10.00, the pastor snubbed us, no one greets us before or after the services, our daughter wasn't chosen for the church May Day court, our son merely warms the bench in the church league. . .

There are bigger molehills which can also turn into mountains such as disagreeing with a church policy, opposing the style of worship, dissatisfaction with an existing program, a distaste for the new choir robes or a disappointment over an appointment or a resignation.

None of these or countless others should be valid reasons for causing dissonance in the congregation but they do. They are often hidden mines waiting for someone to inadvertently or deliberately trigger one or several. Defusing them can be most difficult, even impossible. Regrettably, there are times when detonation seems to be the only solution. While it may eliminate a troublemaker, it often wounds others in the process.

Leveling the playing field is not an easy task but an essential in playing the game, waging war, making the parish compound safe. When a land mine explodes and CPR is necessary, the rescue team should spring into action. Meanwhile, a lot of TLC will go a long way in preventing dissonance and its consequent devastation.

The following chapters will suggest some of the areas in the life and ministry of the church where an ounce of prevention (TLC) is indeed worth a pound of cure. Where there is impairment, it is beneficial to have some knowledge of CPR. Meanwhile, a generous dose of tender loving care (TLC) will often forestall the need for heroic measures which may include CPR, radical surgeries, long convalescences and high costs.

Expect some overlapping in the following pages. Since this first chapter is designed to prepare the way more than showing the way, the reader will do well to read between the lines, making value judgments along the way. It is impossible and unwise to attempt to do this for the reader because the reader will often have personal insights beyond those triggered or elucidated.

Go into your parishes, the ghettos and upscale residential areas, crash those formidable high-rise empires and get down on the farm with the good news. Spring booby traps along the way, get your ecclesiastical CPR credentials updated, give your pastor a pat on the back. And preacher, tell your people how much you love them and need them. If all of you will do this, your TLC will avert and even better, possibly render CPR unnecessary while creating a harmonious congregation.